Bayzee is one of the first friends I made in Subic. The first time I met her, I thought to myself “this girl is just a little ball of sunshine. She probably lives a cushy life…” Little did I know that underneath all that pep was a woman of true grit. She is one of those glass-half-full types: Her life story reads like a script from some soap opera, and yet despite it all, she carries herself like a Disney princess.
Arguably one of the most difficult things she had to go through was coming to terms with her grandmother’s murder. A death of someone you hold very dear is devastating enough -but having to live with the fact that she was taken so brutally and so suddenly is something that I can’t even begin to imagine. The fascinating thing about Bayzee though, is that amidst all that tragedy and chaos, she finds reasons to celebrate life and to see the good in people.
Very proud to share with you her story:
MY GRANDMA, MY SUNSHINE
One of my earliest memories that I could recall is laying down on my grandmother’s comfortable queen sized bed, staring into the grooves of the white ceiling. She always had crisp, clean sheets that perpetually felt like a warm hug on my skin. One corner had a glass cupboard that held several of her crystal figurine collections. Her room was eclectic and charming. It was where I also found solace and comfort growing up.
I would never forget the whiff of her old air conditioner – it emitted a distinct scent right after she turned that switch clockwise, and the soft breeze would swiftly fill the warm air. We would then close the silk curtains to contain the temperature, since one side was practically made up of vintage jalousie panes that overlooked Dr. Lazcano Street.
These were the same windows where I would stand and wait for her every time she would go out for the night. And whenever she arrived, I always yelled out, “Mommy!” Yep, you got that right. I thought she was my mother until I met my real mom when I was 7, back in 1992! (That’s a different story altogether).
She used to sing this song to me:
She made me happy when skies were gray and I would always tell her, “I wish you could live forever.”
PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY
Typhoon Mario paid a visit last September 19, 2014. It was the day that continuously brought rain and thunderstorms in Metro Manila and other regions of the country. To our family, it brought a different storm.
Earlier that day, my aunt asked me to ring my grandma and check if she would pick-up my call since she couldn’t get a hold of her. I tried several times to no avail. So when my aunt and I spoke again, we thought it was one of those days where she was just too busy and didn’t pick up. (She was a feisty, strong and independent 75 year old woman who valued her space.) Then at 5pm, I was able to speak to my aunt again- I was a little bit more alarmed this time, because the whole day had passed without a word from my grandma and her cellphone could no longer be reached!
An hour later, I got a call that nobody would ever want to receive. All I heard was my aunt sobbing and she whimpered one simple sentence, “There’s blood…Come home.” I sank into my chair and bawled like a little child. I knew it was bad.
I rushed immediately to Manila with my husband and daughter. By the time we reached there, grandma’s body had been transported to the morgue for investigation and S.O.C.O. was all over the crime scene. I was distraught. I was devastated. I was furious. All the adjectives you could possibly find in the dictionary couldn’t even begin to express what I was feeling.
My heart has never been broken so ruthlessly until that evening. I could never look at her room the same way again.
CONFRONTING THE STORM
The autopsy report is not even something you’d wish on your worst enemy. She was robbed and brutally murdered by someone she knew. What they’ve done to her was comparable to slaughtering an animal.
Our family exhausted all possible resources to track down the assailant. Within weeks of thorough investigation and fervent prayers, a woman in Laguna called the police to turn in Michael Flores.
As soon as he was arrested, we went to the department of justice immediately. There he was, without a trace of remorse on his face or demeanor. This disposition continued on for a year during the trial. He would come in with eyeliner, black nail polish and a new haircut the few times that I saw him.
The last instance however, we asked the police to let us have a few minutes to speak with him outside the courtroom. I laid my hand gently on Michael’s back and prayed for him. I cannot remember the exact words I uttered, but the next time I saw him in court, his face and body looked slumped as if he was losing sleep or the energy to fix himself up like he used to.
In December 2015, with only a year into the trial, Michael Flores was convicted and sentenced to Reclusión perpetua (no pardon or parole until after the first 30 years). What a miracle for a criminal case to be as swift and just as it was. Our prayers are being answered.
ON STARTING THE JOURNEY TO FORGIVENESS
I assume that anyone in my shoes would have the initial mixed reactions of bitterness, hatred and a vengeful attitude that my family and I shared. That big question, “WHY?” lingered like a dark cloud and a rainfall of tears followed whenever she entered in my mind.
I must say that I’ve inherited my perseverance and endurance from my grandma. Growing up, I honed a natural skill in being able to shift my mindset to always look for a silver lining in order to cope with hardships. The muscle memory kicked in and sustains itself to this day.
Only a few get to witness my moments of sadness or distress. I’ve trained myself to focus on avoiding strong emotions and contain them in the deepest recesses of my being. This behavior sometimes can be perceived as distant or stoic, and often masked with humor to cover up the mess I’m feeling.
In between lines of recollection and revelations, the day to day battle with thoughts and action fight for priority. I tried to be busy with projects, civic causes – anything that would distract me. I could not make sense of the situation and all I could pray for was justice.
The following weeks after his arrest, I finally attended Victory Weekend that I’ve been avoiding for months.
I figuratively and literally took the plunge in faith, as Pastor Dennis Isleta did my water baptism. I needed to surrender my hurts and pains. I needed a savior to heal me. That choice was final. No turning back. No regrets.
ON PRAYER
My Victory Christian Fellowship “small group” and I met every Thursday and they’ve been an a part of my healing process. One of my prayer requests were (and until now) for the Holy Spirit to touch the hearts of her killers – that they may repent and be reconciled with God.
You may wonder why such prayer intentions. Many elements contribute to this:
My aunt has been active in prison ministry for over a decade. She would visit prisoners who are in need of counseling. This is in line with the Restorative Justice Program The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP). What happened to us has become the ultimate test for her because the same people she used to reach out to are the Michael Flores’s that violated her own family. She has now become a victim of criminals which she regularly guides to the path of self recovery.
But, with her faith intact, she decided to keep on with the advocacy and even invited me to Prison Awareness Week in Muntinlupa Maximum Prison back in October 2015.
It is where that famous aphorism came to mind; “unforgiveness is like a poison that you drink while waiting for the other person to die.” Michael will eventually have his own death. Until then, I am accountable of my actions to God.
KEEPING MY SUNSHINE ALIVE
Although my grandma is no longer physically around but her memory and spirit within me lives on. I still can feel her presence through the people around me, the blessings I receive, and the encouragement I encounter from total strangers. I believe that all these encounters are little messages from her . It sounds strange especially with skeptics around us who are too jaded to believe in the supernatural. And that’s the thing – we usually won’t know until it happens to us.
That’s why I’m so motivated to honor God and make disciples each time I remember her assailants. Every step I make towards building the kingdom of God is accomplished in the hopes that others could avoid Grandma’s fate. I always say this and I will continue to do so: Nobody wakes up and decides to be a killer. Every killer starts out as a lost soul whose mindset is slowly being transformed by a series of bad decisions. It adds up. The small crime made today can lead to bigger, more regrettable actions tomorrow. Had Michael Flores known God, then perhaps that tragedy wouldn’t have befallen my grandma.
It has been said by Leo Tolstoy, “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”
I know that God is purposeful and maybe I’ll make sense of this all in another life. For now, I do the best I can do. It’s a long road ahead but with one graceful step at a time, heaven is closer than we may think and forgiveness is possible.
Cecilia says
Pia, in 1981, my father (only 42 years old) was murdered with a machete by his inaanak (godson) who lived at our house for many years. I was young then, not even a teenager. My father and his murderer were having a drinking session (my father’s favorite hobby, a different conversation all together) when they got into an argument. Long story short, one of my older brothers had to identify his body at the morgue (I will spare the gory details).
My mother eventually forgave the murderer. Murderer spent many years in jail. I don’t I’ve ever forgiven the murderer. I never thought about it. Thanks for sharing this powerful story of forgiveness. May her grandma rest in peace eternally in heaven.
Pia says
I am so so sorry to hear this. I had no idea, and I can’t even imagine what you went through. Praying that you continue to find peace….
Adel says
It is such a powerful story of how strong she is and how big her faith is. I’m touched by her wisdom to be a disciple of God such that this world will be healed with more and more people who will turn to God. What happened to her grandma is downright depressing but she chose a better response to what life throws at her. I hope that her Grandma is resting in peace now.
Pia says
Thank you Adel. The way she chose to deal with her grandma’s death really is an inspiration.
ROBERT LEE | Amazing Life Daily says
I remember this. I followed it on the news too. But this time it is different because I am finding out more from the Bayzee’s perspective. I do not pretend to know how it feels to have someone so close be taken away. Instead, I would like to thank Bayzee for sharing her experience, for once again, she has affirmed the value of forgiveness. There is a God, and that is what He would like.
And for Bayzee, cherish the good times and live your life that would make your grandma happy, for she has always wanted the best for you.
Kris says
I’m sorry to hear about what happened. I guess the road to forgiveness is not that easy given with this situation. I am not on the position to say that it will be okay because I know it is never okay to begin with. I admire your outlook and I love when shared the quote: “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” This totally makes sense.
Pia says
Thank you Kris! This insight also helped me a lot too…
Cykaniki says
Wow, I know it’s easy to say forgive if you’re not in the situation, but it’s easier said than done. I admire Bayzee’s conclusion in everything, few laborers of the Almighty, that people like the murderer was not ministered first hand, if he is being reached by someone who could give him better advices, it could never have happened, but everything happens for a reason. We really need to think out of the box in every situation, but sometimes some circumstances can caught us up Unguarded, and sometimes we react rather than response. I was really inspired by Bayzee’s point of view
Pia says
Thank you Cykaniki. It’s heartwarming to know that you are inspired by her story. It took a lot of courage for her to share this. She’ll be happy to know that it helped people gain a deeper perspective.
Jill says
I admire Bayzee’s strength despite all that took place in her lifetime. I am sorry for her loss. I also commend her for forgiving the person who wronged her. Also for spreading her loveliness to the people around her.
Pia says
Thank you Jill. It really did take a lot of strength to share her story..
jared's mum says
I never got past the middle of the article without crying. I know how it feels to lose someone you love very dearly, how heartbreaking and life-changing it can be and I cannot fathom her pain to have her dear grandma taken away from them like this. I pray that she rests in peace.
Your friend has the biggest and generous heart to have this kind of attitude towards the person who did this to her grandma and I am sure she got all this goodness from her. It is true, we never truly lose the ones we love because they stay in our hearts and our lives in one way or another. Dear Bayzee is a testament to how her Grandma had been a wonderful and loving mum during her time here on Earth. I am sure she is very proud of Bayzee and is happily looking down on her from her favorite spot in heaven.
Pia says
Thank you so much for your kind words! Will pass this on to Bayzee…
Gryselle Mae says
I have heard this news from a few years back but hearing it from a different perspective definitely made me feel a lot more remorse that I did. I lost my grandmother when I was in high school. Similar to her situation then, I considered her as my mother as she was the one who took care of me when I was younger. I used to sleep beside her and care for her the way she cares for me as well. My grandmother passed away due to cancer and seeing her in pain right in front of my eyes was torture to a 14 years old me. I skipped a grade and didn’t go to school the whole grade that year. It took me ten years to get over it, to really accept that she is now in good hands. I admire Bayzee’s strength and courage for she was able to face this obstacle in life that people takes years to do so, or sometimes, they never do. Accepting and forgiving the criminal is a hard thing to do. It takes more than just strength and courage to do so. And I’m glad she found a way to cope with all these.
Pia says
I’m so sorry for your loss Gryselle. I lost both of my parents too, and although you move on, you’re never really quite the same. Bayzee has been an inspiration to me when it comes to letting go and forgiving other people – she really is quite extraordinary..